Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
