Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
