weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
