Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
