apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
