I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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