Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
