Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
