You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My balls are so social today.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
