Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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