I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize