you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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