Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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