So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dignity is for republicans.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
