i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
