So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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