her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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