Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Randomize
