He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize