been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
