So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
