just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
