i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
