here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
