Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize