He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
