So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
