It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
