The maid of honor just puked.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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