Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
