And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
