I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
this hospital has no fireball
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
