I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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