my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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