Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
