Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
