He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
