But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
