Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
