just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
they're like a gay fantastic four
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
