I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
