Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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