My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
40s are totally the cure
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
