Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
