You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
