I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
