3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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