she woke up with a sticky ear
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
