Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
