i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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