It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
