what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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