never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
