I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
