You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
