Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
