...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize