I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
