I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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