Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
