**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
