You're my little dorito
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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