Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Your dad touched me again.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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