There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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