her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
