Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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