i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
