I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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