I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
