Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
