Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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