Since when is my name a synonym for head?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
