u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
