she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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