Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
