Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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