Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
