i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
