love makes seman taste better
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Are we still banned from the library?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
