What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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