the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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