At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
