They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
