Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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