Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
