Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
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