Kiss
Puke
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
