the condom got lost in my hair
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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