No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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