I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
